Rules For Actors

Found this on a message board for Nj community theater groups.

* Hold for all laughs---real, expected, or imagined! If you don't get one, face front and repeat the line louder. Failing this, laugh at it yourself.
* Cultivate an attitude of hostility. Tension gets results---on stage and off.
* A good performance, like concrete, should be molded quickly and then forever set.
* Your first responsibility as an actor is to find your light.
* Do not listen to your fellow actors on stage. It will only throw you. Do not look at them either---you may not like what you see.
* Always be specific---point to what you're talking about.
* If a line isn't working for you, change it.
* Stage Managers are NOT actors---ignore them.
* Never be afraid to ad-lib to get attention, especially if the leads aren't very entertaining.
* Mistakes are never your fault.
* Always find something to b*tch about, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. Your fellow actors will respect your professional attention to detail.
* Never carry make-up---someone will have what you need.
* If you can't be heard, it's not your fault. Any decent theatre should have body mikes.
* Never, never help understudies (They secretly hate you and want your job).
* Do help your fellow actors by giving them notes whenever you feel necessary. And give the notes immediately before they go on---it will be fresher that way.
* Speak your lines as if the audience had difficulty understanding the language.
* Keep other performers on their toes by ridiculing their performances, and never let them know what you're going to do next.
* Play the reality---always be aware of the audience and whether you think they like the show, then gauge your performance accordingly. Why knock yourself out for ungrateful a--holes?
* The only difference between an amateur and a pro is that the pro does exactly the same thing for money.
* Need a character? Get a costume.
* Never change anything that is working, no matter how wrong or phony it may seem.
* Even if a piece of "shtick" doesn't work, keep using it. The important thing is for you to have fun and feel good about yourself